I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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