you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
