I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
