Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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