i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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