I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Edward fifth and chaser hands
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
