Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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