My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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