This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
