Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
