we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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