she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
