For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
