Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
