My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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