i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
