remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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