break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
