you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
