My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
