my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
