Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
