why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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