WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
