yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
