Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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