Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
