btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
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