I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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