bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
