I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
