I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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