Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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