You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
