is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
