Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That reminds me...we need to get swords
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
