i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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