I puked a lego.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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