We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
