Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
