she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
