Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I had to cum in my sink.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
