i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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