I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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