No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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