Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
