My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
