Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
