Buhtt sex?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
