No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
