i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
