I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
