How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I could make wine with my vomit
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
