What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
