Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
