so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
