She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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