dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
